


My Spatula!!!!

by PandaMega



Category: One Piece
Genre: Actual married couple, Canon Compliant, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Strawhat crew - Freeform, Zsclubsecretsanta2020, pretty much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:29:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28440186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaMega/pseuds/PandaMega
Summary: Zoro knew better than to touch the chef’s precious knives, but the other utensils, well, those were fair game weren’t they?A fun little ZoSan fic for secret Santa!
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 10
Kudos: 114
Collections: Zosan Club - Secret Santa 2020





	My Spatula!!!!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Merryweather](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merryweather/gifts).



> Prompt: Someone stole my spatula! From @merryweather  
> I hope you enjoy! This was fun to write!

Zoro knew better than to touch the chef’s precious knives, but the other utensils, well, those were fair game weren’t they?

.x.

One day earlier:

“What did you break this time,” Usopp sighed without lifting his head from his tinkering.

Zoro shifted in the doorway, left foot to right, then scratched the back of his neck. “The crows nest.”

Usopp paused, “what part of the crows nest?”

Zoro shuffled sheepishly, a rare display of discomfort, “Uhhh…”

“Oh man…” Usopp groaned, picturing the devastation already. He pushed back in his seat and rose to his feet, cracking his neck, then straightened to his full height, “Sounds like this is a job for master shipwright Usopp the Builder!”

.x.

Five minutes later:

Usopp stood in stunned silence on the deck, “I’m gonna need to get Franky.” 

Zoro dropped his head in shame, already hearing Franky’s lamentations ringing in his ears.

.x.

Ten minutes later:

“And this will cost HOW much?” Nami pressed, standing with her arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently.

“Well, there’s the lumber, which of course will have to be Adam’s wood, then there are the fixtures and fixings, and the paint, and-“

“Didn’t you just repair the crows nest? Zoro what on earth are you doing up there?!”

Zoro straightened and crossed his arms, “Training.”

“And this training requires the destruction of our precious Sunny?” Nami inquired.

Zoro flinched, “I’m working on a new move,” he answered defensively.

“Too bad. Practice it somewhere you won’t destroy the ship, or practice it with something other than the swords.”

“I’m a swordsman!”

“Bokutou. I know for a fact we have at least a dozen wooden swords that you bought with MY money for this exact purpose.”

Zoro shifted from foot to foot and scratched the back of his neck.

“What.”

“Well, they aren’t very durable.”

Nami pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m never buying you anything ever again. You are a child of destruction. Do you break everything you touch?”

Zoro flushed and grit his teeth.

“Franky, Usopp, we’ll get the materials you need at the next island. In the meantime, Zoro, if I catch you swinging your swords around I’m doubling your debt, and tripling it for everything you break!”

.x.

Current day:

Sanji hummed to himself as he chopped vegetables, stirred a sauce, and opened the oven to check on the large seabird Usopp had shot down this morning. He reached for the turkey baster only to find it missing from the drawer where he usually kept it. Brow furrowing he checked the next drawer just in case. There it was, in a drawer full of pastry tools! Odd. Sanji worried that he’d been zoning out or something because he’d been finding things missing and misplaced all day. It’s not like anyone else would use his utensils, especially not something like a turkey baster. He’d have to pay closer attention, he thought to himself as his spun in place, flicking the oven door shut with a lift of his heel. Time to get the onions caramelizing.

He slid the chopped onions from the cutting board into the heated oil in his cast iron pan and reached for his favorite spatula with one hand as he set the cutting board in the sink with the other. Except, the spatula wasn’t there.

That’s odd. He ALWAYS hung the spatulas right above the stove, but not only was his favorite bamboo spatula missing, but so were the others. His stainless steel spatula was missing, and his slotted wooden spatula was missing. The only spatula that hung in place was the wide, round spatula that he liked to use for flatcakes. It wouldn’t do for the onions at all. Someone must be messing with him. 

Eyes narrowing Sanji flicked off the heat on the onions and stepped back regarding his workstation. Someone was messing with him, but who would be foolish enough to mess with the ship’s chef? Who would risk interrupting their own meals in favor of causing him personal irritation?

“Marimo,” Sanji cursed under his breath.

The chef stormed from the galley with purpose, striding through the doorway and barely glancing at the sun bathing ladies.

“Nami-swan, have you seen the shitty marimo?”

“Oh, I think he’s in the mikan grove ‘meditating.’ Just follow the sound of snoring.” Nami replied, eyes never leaving the pages of the magazine in her hands.

“Thank you dear, you’re looking as lovely today as always,” Sanji simpered distractedly as he head off towards the fruit trees.

Zoro was indeed in the mikan grove, but he was neither sleeping nor meditating. No, the sight that greeted Sanji nearly made steam burst from his ears.

“MARIMO!” Sanji shrieked.

The man in question jolted, losing his concentration, then slumped in resignation at being found. His back was facing Sanji, bare and muscled and glistening with sweat. And in each sweaty hand he held Sanji’s missing spatulas.

Zoro began to turn slowly. Sanji’s face was red with fury, but as Zoro turned Sanji’s face grew horrified.

“No.”

Zoro seemed to shrink in on himself as he turned to fully face the chef, head bowed.

“MY SPATULA. My FAVORITE SPATULA. TAKE THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH THIS INSTANT!!!!” 

Sanji’s voice resonated across the sea and Zoro flinched, taking the spatula out of his mouth.

Sanji was practically shaking with rage and disbelief. “I don’t even know what to say to you. How DARE you.”

“I -“

“I don’t want to hear your excuses!” Sanji said, raising a hand to interrupt Zoro. “You touch them, you use them. Come with me. Let’s see how well you can caramelize onions.” Sanji said darkly before dragging the swordsman to the kitchen.

“You want to train? You want to learn about discipline? You want to learn patience? You want to sweat and suffer with my spatulas in hand? I’ll teach you. Oh, I’ll teach you.” Sanji ranted, kicking the galley door shut behind them and marching Zoro towards the stove.

“Go on,” Sanji gestured towards the steaming pans, “Show me what you’ve learned!”

Zoro approached the stove apprehensively, then placed the third spatula back in his mouth and began to lean down.

“STOP!”

Zoro paused, mouth-spatula halfway to the onions.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING! Take that out of your mouth, you’re gonna drool all over the onions!!” Sanji gesticulated angrily as he spoke.

“I don’t drool!” Zoro retorted, indignant.

“How can you NOT drool with something in your mouth?!”

“My mouth is very dry.”

“That sounds extremely unappealing.”

“Never heard you complain.” Zoro huffed and Sanji gaped, face flushing red.

“Don’t change the subject! How are you even talking?” Sanji said, changing the subject.

“Training.”

Sanji threw his arms in the air, “You’re unbelievable! I can’t believe you took my spatulas. Did you take other utensils as well is that why I’ve been finding them in weird places?”

Zoro averted his eyes suspiciously.

“How DARE YOU!” 

Zoro crossed his arms and met Sanji’s eyes and then grit out, “Sorry.”

“You don’t sound sorry at all!” 

Zoro huffed, lowered his arms and lowered his voice as he stepped towards Sanji, “Let me make it up to you?”

Sanji’s face went red as inappropriate thoughts rushed into his head. “Don’t distract me with your wiles. You can make it up to me by washing the dishes for a week, no, a month!

Zoro groaned, throwing his head back. “Everyone on this ship hates me.”

“And for good reason.”

Looking down at the sink, already full of dishes, Zoro tried one last thing. “Nami says I break everything I touch.”

“Well I’m still in good shape,” Sanji retorted without thinking, then blushed.

Zoro smirked and gave Sanji a very suggestive once over.

Rolling his eyes, Sanji gestured towards the dishes, go on marimo, do your worst.”

“Oh you want my worst?” Zoro rumbled, sidling into Sanji’s personal space.

“Stop it you minx, you won’t seduce me out of this!”

“I can try.”

**Author's Note:**

> I live for comments! You can find me on tumblr @pandamega   
> I’ll try to update my other fics soon >.>


End file.
